Well, I've been absent from the blogging world for about a year, but I've been learning more and more about families in that time, and I'd like to keep sharing. I'm in another family class now, and my professor said something today that has been bouncing around in my brain all day.
"Your family is only as strong as your marriage."
This, I believe, is generally true. The rule, not the exception. I have seen some families do mostly alright despite a weak marriage, but the optimal environment for growing a great family is in a great marriage. If things come between a husband and wife, even good things, a marriage falls apart, dragging the rest of the family down with it. Some things that are frequently justified as marriage interrupters are: work, children, friends, hobbies, and even extramarital partners. Not a one of these is an adequate reason to damage your marriage.
"Even children?" you may ask. Children are supposed to be the center of our lives, the reason we exist, right? Well, not quite. I know, I'm a kid person and always try to spend time with children if at all possible. Anyone who's known me more than a minute knows that, but I really believe that children can't be as happy as they could be if their parents are unhappy, especially with each other. Children take up a LOT of time, but even they can't come between a husband and wife who truly love each other and maintain happiness in the family. Even their own children can become the wedge that drives them apart if a couple does not work very hard to be, as I've heard it put, "fiercely loyal" to one another. This means that your marriage comes first. It comes before your job, your friends, your hobbies, and even your children. Work is necessary, friends are great, and hobbies keep us sane. But why don't more of us just work the hours we need to work then stop? Why don't we have friends who are also friends with our spouses and pass time with them rather than alone? I've learned more and more as time has gone on that I need to learn to love what those I love love. I hope that made sense. The point is, if I marry a man who loves watching football, I'm going to have to meet him in the middle. Watching a bunch of sweaty men I'll never even meet tackle each other and fight over a ball is not my idea of fun, but I'll join in my husband's hobbies in order to spend some time with him. That doesn't mean I plan to intently watch every second of every game during the season. I hope to compromise, to spend some time doing what he enjoys and some time doing what I enjoy. Together. How that will all work out is yet to be seen, but I know that it'll require give and take from both sides.
Recap: A solid marriage is a sure foundation for building a strong family, and if the foundation crumbles, it is so hard for the structure to remain intact. The two who control the foundation need to do all in their power to keep their structure standing, mainly by maintaining and strengthening the foundation they have built.
This is all from a single college student, so I want to hear what you think? What experiences have you had? I especially want to hear from my married friends.
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